Forgive and Forget?

...I wish it was that easy. I guess I am pretty forgiving. I am still, to many extents, still friendly with many – if not most – of my ex guys. I don’t really think there is anything inherently wrong with me. I look like my pictures, and I’m not overweight and ugly. If I truly wanted to (and I don’t) I could go out every Friday night and get a “date.”

If someone stays with me long enough, they do discover the obvious about me, that I am a little witchy, as is my little dog. It is a hard thing to hide. In fact, it’s generally hard for someone NOT to notice that I’m reading their thoughts and that I foresee many things before they happen (weird girl that I am). And oddly, other than one rather superstitious man who thought I was out to get him somehow, most people are unusually curious and attracted to it. So taking all that into consideration, I don’t really scare men off and I’m not unattractive, but it does concern me that either they actually CHEAT on me, or they wish they could. And yes, they do forget who and what I am so I always know. One gentleman was e-flirting via texts and phone calls. Without ever picking up his phone and snooping, I knew. We spent seven months apart once I asked him why he was doing this and with whom he was doing it. I never really got a straight answer but he knew he could never deny it, given who I am.

The strange thing is that after I get over the initial shock of “What?? AGAIN??” and I start on the downhill towards healing… again…  I let it go and can offer forgiveness if asked (though I never go back once kicked to the curb). But the problem is, and not for me actually, I don’t really forget. This, I surmise, is a problem for him – in the aftermath.

I suppose that I should explain.

People like me, who are able to call the Spirit and the Elements, possess more gifts than just this ability. In doing so, along with the utterance of a well-written incant, one can accomplish many things. Above all things, we never, but never, harm anything or anyone. “Do no harm,” is our mantra. But several things come into play here. The first is the obvious rebound that Karma plays. If something negative is done against witchy girls like me, or ANYONE for that matter, Karma comes back to pay. This is not something that we control. It just is what it is. The other thing is the ability of the unconscious mind to inadvertently send back the filth and disgust left by the other person upon the innocent party. Because of this ability and the hurt, it boils to the top and is sent back out in the form of raw energy. After the fact, and after the redefining of our past relationship into a civil friendship, I am usually made privy to the information about their lives and how they haven’t gone “that well.”

Examples:

E- He made me so mad (long before I knew what I am), that I hurled a curse at him, “You will always be a “f-k and run.” I can’t believe you did this to me!” To this day, he still is and admits that he is a lousy boyfriend and not good at relationships a full decade later.

W- Blatantly cheated on me right under my nose. Now? The gal he cheated with became his bride shortly after and she dumped him sooner than later. It was a nasty divorce.

B- Had a lot of fun at my expense. Not literally but well, you know. He used me, telling me he needed me and really flat out lied to me. He had no intention of ever making me a permanent thing. Now that he’s dismissed me? Stuck in a very loveless, non-physical marriage. I can hardly feel sorry for him.

S- He is an artful liar and a master manipulator. I never really gave it any thought because he is so good at what he does. Until he cheated right under my nose (I apparently need eyes on the end of my nose). The way I found out would raise the hairs up on your arms. Maybe someday I’ll tell you how I was “told” – or maybe if you post a question in a comment I’ll tell you. But it wasn’t until he apologized over and over again, telling me he made a huge mistake, and telling me that he wasn’t using me (for sustenance and a home) that it occurred to me that he WAS using me! He shouldn’t have brought it up cuz it caused me to actually consider it. When a person’s heart is involved, it’s very hard for them to “see” the real reason behind the events. I “did no harm,” though I do have the ability to stir up a shitload of crap for him. Instead, I imprinted charms on my house to protect me and my home from him, his machinations, and the evil residue that remained after I forced him out of my life. Using his own superstitions against him, I kept his toothbrush and hairbrush when I threw his stuff out of the house and changed the locks. I wrote a rather efficient incant, utilizing his being born under a fire sign against him. I repeated it 3 times as I passed his items over the flame of the candle representing the fire element. The items were left near the front and back doors. If he PASSES through the doors, he will then release a huge can of cosmic woop-ass against himself. Because I “do no harm” I was forced to tell him about it. I told HIM that he would be responsible for releasing it against it, not me. Being thusly warned, he said he’d never come on my property again. Superstition is a superb weapon.

The final sentence for him? He’s not doing that great either. But, it really hasn’t been that long. He got arrested and locked up for a year. And I still get updates, in my own special way of course, that he is manipulating a girl into hiding him (from what? his probation officer?), feeding him, clothing him, and doing whatever else he needs.

Now, you may wonder, if I am not the one doing this to these men, then what is? It can’t all just be Karma. I have a theory. My brain “sends” as you know. Many times, it is without full intent to accomplish something. I think I am sending back to them, not my thoughts, but my negative energies. I can’t forget the hurt and pain caused by their deceit. I still carry it with me. When I think about any one of them, I can feel it literally rising up from me; I can feel it moving away from me as if on a wind current. I have wondered sometimes where that energy settles. I think it is sent back to them.

Try as I might, I can’t stop it. If I’m conscious, I’ll stop dwelling on it to keep it from leaving me. But if I’m in twilight sleep, I cannot stop it.

What is a girl to do? I have forgiven. But I just can’t forget.

Earthbounds and the Soul, What Are They? And Altered States

What happens when our bodies die?

Does something move on?

Where does it go?

Haven’t we been asking this stuff for years/decades/centuries? One thing that troubles me is that mainstream religions teach that good people die and go to heaven and bad people die and go to hell. It has been estimated that somewhere between 69 billion and 110 billion have populated the earth over the time of earth’s history. Of course, that is all relative to how long the earth has been here, how long people have existed, and so on. But that is not the point I’m driving towards. My point is… there must be a LOT of people in heaven and hell if what the religions teach is true. So…. What are they doing?

I’ve been informally polling people for a long time. No one has ever related a story to me about someone they know leaving heaven and coming to the earthly realm to talk to them. So the logical conclusion is either one of two things: no one is allowed to leave if they get there OR very few go there in the first place. The Almighty’s Bible never mentions any quote at all that people instantly go to heaven at death. I’ve read it cover to cover several times. I can see there are scriptures that seem to indicate that but reading them with logic & rationality (and it seems that people misread and misapply a lot) shows that is not what they are saying. Genesis talks about a time when God created the angels. Then He was done with that and moved on to the next task. So logically, there is a fixed number of angels. If you use John 14:3 where Jesus says, “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am” -  it actually says, I WILL COME BACK and take you with me. Most religions teach that he hasn’t come back yet. So what happens then? Everyone SAYS they want to go to heaven but no one wants to die to get there. Funny, eh? On a personal note, I’d like to stay. I like it here.

Another thing: Eccl. 12:7, “For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.” That doesn’t say ANGEL, does it? It says spirit. God created his angels so we know they exist in a finite number, but what about this thing called “spirit?” Are religious people making erroneous assumptions about our spirit?

I’ve had a few experiences in my time that indicate that the soul and spirit are the same thing. I’ve also experienced some things that tell us that the soul/spirit/life force/life energy don’t necessarily have to leave. What???

If you haven’t read it yet, read my blog post of 1/23/2012, especially about Katrina and why she is earthbound. She is here and visits the areas around my home. Her family owned and lived in the area some 200 years ago. She made it a point to visit a friend of mine who can “hear” them. My friend reported back what she said to me. I am not so gifted so I can’t “hear” what she wanted to tell me. Yes, Katrina is earthbound. She likes it here. She is not (for now anyway) leaving.

I’ve never had the ability to see energy fields or energy balls. I photograph them on occasion however. So I’ve seen them in that respect. But it wasn’t until recently that a new door opened for me, probably because I’m receptive to it. (Let that be a lesson to you. If you are receptive, they will come to you.) A couple years ago, I was in a rough place and just pretty much had had it with men in general. My boss was pretty understanding and as a gift, she gave me a gift certificate for a 90 minutes session with a reflexologist (who I suspect was also a touch healer). I put it off for several months but it just seemed like I was not healing on my own so I thought if anything, she would help me relax. She had scheduled me a private, late Sunday visit. So there was no one there and it was pretty quiet. She asked pretty pointedly what I needed to heal or repair. Hmm? Well, I told her, I had some holes in my precog abilities which is strange cuz usually they are out of control  when I’m feeling internal discord. And I told her why I was messed up inside. So it was decided what modalities she would concentrate on (bottom of feet, the emotion areas of the ear, specifically overwhelmedness, vision, heart, fear, anger, hate, bearing burdens, rejection, *yeah, I know that’s a lot* and hot stones to the upper back). She started at my ears and behind them.

What I didn’t know is that her work would open the veil between the physical world and the world where spirits in our earthly realm hang out.  Indeed, I entered into an altered state of consciousness. The session was 90 minutes. I was “out” in about 5 and stayed unconscious until she gently woke me by working on my feet. And I was stunned at what I saw and it seemed like I was out only a few seconds.

The first person that realized I could see him was a comical guy. He wore a HUGE grin on his face and a hat on his head. At first, he snuck up from the bottom part of my line of vision and sort of peeked at me. Then he popped in again sporting a happy face. He fled fast, but laughing all the way. I was, well, shocked. I could still tell the practitioner was working around my ears but I was totally ‘not there’ while she did it. Very soon, from the right hand side of my field of vision appeared three young people, I’d say under the age of 20. They were related and all looked very much of the same family. They were probably of Polynesian descent with a lovely skin tone and black hair. They apparently did not know that I could see them and when they realized it, they were frightened and left immediately from the direction they came; I had the impression that they had not been departed long and they were feeling skittish. And my final experience was absolutely hands-down the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I found the Waiting Room. Well that is what I call it.

I seemed to be wandering around rather fluidly. In fact, my essence left my body and went straight through the actual waiting room of the facility. And right there, under a huge tree, a REAL ONE in the courtyard of the office park where I was, I could see it. I had passed through an area that looked like a set of stairs, moving from one side, underneath them, and then through the other side. The colors were gone there. (As I write this, I remember this important fact.) And all around the four walls of this room, people were waiting. They were dead quiet but restful. When I entered, they slowly turned their ethereal heads to look at me. Then they turned back to the nothing they were looking at. And I was overcome with the feeling that they were waiting for something. Because of where I was, I actually knew what they were waiting for since all knowledge was common. Let me explain.

You know how when an elderly couple who have been married since they were teenagers die within days/months of each other? There is a reason for that. As you spend time with someone, some of your essence, your spirit, your soul merges with the other. One simply cannot live without the other. That is why they can finish each other’s sentences and know what the other is thinking. When one dies, part of the other dies and they cannot go on living. So they tend to depart close in time. That is why some of these spirits were in the Waiting Room. They were waiting for their other half to depart and join them; some had other reasons for waiting. I marveled that I was given that information. Indeed, I feel privileged to be able to share that with my readers. They were not sad. They were not happy. They had no emotions. They were just waiting.

My most recent experience actually starts some years ago. A couple nights before a former fiancé’s father passed away, he called me out of the clear blue sky. He was a man of few words and that he called me was interesting in itself. He asked me a few pointed questions, but they were for me, and I’ve not betrayed his confidence to this day. And then he passed away a couple days later. Here it is 8 years later and he’s come back for a visit. Yes, I kid you not. It is as if he’s discovered that my new door has been opened and he decided to say hello; actually, he had a message. I had been waking up every morning about 4:15 for about a week, then I’d fade back into slumber. One morning, as I was fading, he entered my thoughts. He said not one word, but that is par for the course for him as he spoke few words before he left. He showed me a house. I thought it was in Florida for some reason though he passed away in Texas. The house was darkly veiled even though the paint was light in color, it had a few trees, and very few other details were afforded me. So I asked him what year it was and the funny thing is that it was a year after he departed. How did he show me without words? He showed me the car my son was driving at the time! I wanted to know what he was trying to tell me but we didn’t get any further than that but I was struck with the feeling that I needed to let his son, my former fiancé know what his dad had shown me.

I knew from previous experience that he was not in the Waiting Room. I could tell he is more like Katrina, earthbound. I am not sure where he is, but I still feel like it’s Florida. Being a natural intuit, all these pieces of information were given to me without words. Now get ready for the chill bumps.

It took me a couple months before I got the courage to call his son to tell him, after all, he’d left ME for another woman. I told him simply how my abilities had changed and grown since we were together (though he was a huge believer then and seemed to largely respect that about me) and that some new things had been revealed to me. I took a deep breath and told him where his dad is, that he’s earthbound, he’s happy, he has not been given a job to do, he’s no one’s “guardian”, and that I was simply instructed to tell him that. I had no other reason for the message. It was just as simple as that.

My former fiancé, his son, wasn’t shocked at all. In his former house in Florida that he took after marrying someone else, at times smelled of cigarette smoke, but only in one room. Before he passed, his father was a heavy smoker. His son told me that not he, nor his ex-wife had ever smoked in the house, but then the smell would be gone as soon as it came. It seems he’d been visiting that house while his son lived there and well, it seems he likes it there, cuz that is what he had me show his son.

So what is the point of all this? Souls merge sometimes. That is what energy can do. Some don’t want to leave. Some stay earthbound. Where does the energy of the soul go after death? Well energy continues to exist. It has to go somewhere. And it shouldn’t surprise anyone that the energy of two souls can merge. After all, they wait for each other when one leaves. They MUST be together.

What is for sure is that going to heaven isn’t some religious thinker’s requirement. No one has come back to tell us all about it.

My theory in regard to the so-called soul is that it’s simply the energy force behind the life within a solid body. And from all appearances, it goes on. If it even goes to heaven, it’s not as an angel. There is simply no evidence of that.

And perhaps we aren’t supposed to completely understand what happens to our energy. If we did, we’d probably have full knowledge of it already, but we don’t, even after all these centuries. However, it does seem that the Earthbounds would like to say “Hi” every now and then.