...I wish it was that easy. I guess I am pretty forgiving. I am still, to many extents, still friendly with many – if not most – of my ex guys. I don’t really think there is anything inherently wrong with me. I look like my pictures, and I’m not overweight and ugly. If I truly wanted to (and I don’t) I could go out every Friday night and get a “date.”
If someone stays with me long enough, they do discover the obvious about me, that I am a little witchy, as is my little dog. It is a hard thing to hide. In fact, it’s generally hard for someone NOT to notice that I’m reading their thoughts and that I foresee many things before they happen (weird girl that I am). And oddly, other than one rather superstitious man who thought I was out to get him somehow, most people are unusually curious and attracted to it. So taking all that into consideration, I don’t really scare men off and I’m not unattractive, but it does concern me that either they actually CHEAT on me, or they wish they could. And yes, they do forget who and what I am so I always know. One gentleman was e-flirting via texts and phone calls. Without ever picking up his phone and snooping, I knew. We spent seven months apart once I asked him why he was doing this and with whom he was doing it. I never really got a straight answer but he knew he could never deny it, given who I am.
The strange thing is that after I get over the initial shock of “What?? AGAIN??” and I start on the downhill towards healing… again… I let it go and can offer forgiveness if asked (though I never go back once kicked to the curb). But the problem is, and not for me actually, I don’t really forget. This, I surmise, is a problem for him – in the aftermath.
I suppose that I should explain.
People like me, who are able to call the Spirit and the Elements, possess more gifts than just this ability. In doing so, along with the utterance of a well-written incant, one can accomplish many things. Above all things, we never, but never, harm anything or anyone. “Do no harm,” is our mantra. But several things come into play here. The first is the obvious rebound that Karma plays. If something negative is done against witchy girls like me, or ANYONE for that matter, Karma comes back to pay. This is not something that we control. It just is what it is. The other thing is the ability of the unconscious mind to inadvertently send back the filth and disgust left by the other person upon the innocent party. Because of this ability and the hurt, it boils to the top and is sent back out in the form of raw energy. After the fact, and after the redefining of our past relationship into a civil friendship, I am usually made privy to the information about their lives and how they haven’t gone “that well.”
Examples:
E- He made me so mad (long before I knew what I am), that I hurled a curse at him, “You will always be a “f-k and run.” I can’t believe you did this to me!” To this day, he still is and admits that he is a lousy boyfriend and not good at relationships a full decade later.
W- Blatantly cheated on me right under my nose. Now? The gal he cheated with became his bride shortly after and she dumped him sooner than later. It was a nasty divorce.
B- Had a lot of fun at my expense. Not literally but well, you know. He used me, telling me he needed me and really flat out lied to me. He had no intention of ever making me a permanent thing. Now that he’s dismissed me? Stuck in a very loveless, non-physical marriage. I can hardly feel sorry for him.
S- He is an artful liar and a master manipulator. I never really gave it any thought because he is so good at what he does. Until he cheated right under my nose (I apparently need eyes on the end of my nose). The way I found out would raise the hairs up on your arms. Maybe someday I’ll tell you how I was “told” – or maybe if you post a question in a comment I’ll tell you. But it wasn’t until he apologized over and over again, telling me he made a huge mistake, and telling me that he wasn’t using me (for sustenance and a home) that it occurred to me that he WAS using me! He shouldn’t have brought it up cuz it caused me to actually consider it. When a person’s heart is involved, it’s very hard for them to “see” the real reason behind the events. I “did no harm,” though I do have the ability to stir up a shitload of crap for him. Instead, I imprinted charms on my house to protect me and my home from him, his machinations, and the evil residue that remained after I forced him out of my life. Using his own superstitions against him, I kept his toothbrush and hairbrush when I threw his stuff out of the house and changed the locks. I wrote a rather efficient incant, utilizing his being born under a fire sign against him. I repeated it 3 times as I passed his items over the flame of the candle representing the fire element. The items were left near the front and back doors. If he PASSES through the doors, he will then release a huge can of cosmic woop-ass against himself. Because I “do no harm” I was forced to tell him about it. I told HIM that he would be responsible for releasing it against it, not me. Being thusly warned, he said he’d never come on my property again. Superstition is a superb weapon.
The final sentence for him? He’s not doing that great either. But, it really hasn’t been that long. He got arrested and locked up for a year. And I still get updates, in my own special way of course, that he is manipulating a girl into hiding him (from what? his probation officer?), feeding him, clothing him, and doing whatever else he needs.
Now, you may wonder, if I am not the one doing this to these men, then what is? It can’t all just be Karma. I have a theory. My brain “sends” as you know. Many times, it is without full intent to accomplish something. I think I am sending back to them, not my thoughts, but my negative energies. I can’t forget the hurt and pain caused by their deceit. I still carry it with me. When I think about any one of them, I can feel it literally rising up from me; I can feel it moving away from me as if on a wind current. I have wondered sometimes where that energy settles. I think it is sent back to them.
Try as I might, I can’t stop it. If I’m conscious, I’ll stop dwelling on it to keep it from leaving me. But if I’m in twilight sleep, I cannot stop it.
What is a girl to do? I have forgiven. But I just can’t forget.
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