Sometimes I’m a little disappointed with myself. As you know, when a child is growing up, they hinge their entire life based on the words their parents say and upon their teachings. No doubt this describes my childhood. I heard what their ‘congregation’ was teaching my parents and they in turn would discuss these same ideas and notions at home with me and my sibs.
Funny thing is that while I was hearing it and learning it, I was having a hard time accepting it; some things I learned where just too “out there” to swallow. While I came to accept that most of my abilities were God-given from birth, I had to keep that acceptance to myself; I had to suppress what I knew to be real. Yes, indeed. I HAVE read the holy scriptures cover to cover- several times. I still fail to see where having a brain that does more than just “think” is from the devil. If you’ve read this blog from its beginning, you already know that I’ve been able to do these things since I was a child, an innocent child, and even within the so-called “sanctuary” of God. One cannot tell me that He’d allow that in His presence if He didn’t give it to me.
I noticed my kids really weren’t believers as they were growing up. I find myself wondering now if they were reading “something” from me; perhaps I was sending my own internal disbelief, though I hadn’t reached the point of accepting that yet. There are other things that bother me. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of my time, time that could have been spent with my kids, on driving back and forth to religious meetings while in my 20s and 30s, not to mention the waste of money. But I must say that I never felt like I was supposed to be there. I never felt like they were offering me anything that I don’t get from being a Deist. My hope and joy and appreciation for His creation has actually INCREASED since I separated myself from organized religion.
I think maybe the problem is that when people get together and exchange their thoughts and ideas, too many misunderstood notions are formed and bounced around. They forget the simple truth that our Earth and Universe were simply created by an Almighty. And then here we are. Just acknowledging that simple fact would make even the most simple-minded person understand that we should be appreciative of our beautiful home and to show our thanks, enjoy this gift, take care of it, explore it, raise our minds and hearts up to it. I know so many solitary people who are so awe-inspired when simply sitting outside on a warm summer night gazing up at creation, that they simply cannot help but utter a simple “thank you” to our Almighty. Surely there is nothing wrong with that.
So why am I disappointed? I wasted time. I wasted money. And if I had a problem and asked for guidance, I was not helped. At all. I was only told that *I* needed to be doing something differently, if I had a problem. Maybe organized religion works for you. It did not help me in the least. Yes, I did something “differently” and left.
Now? I am way more active in my community, helping, caring, sharing. I actually have more motivation to serve and volunteer for my fellow man, those that need me. I didn’t have this before. This is my sanctuary. I feel more inclined to take care of our earthly home. I delight within our natural surroundings, all gifts from our Almighty.
It’s all real. And it will never be a waste.
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